Ever wonder why you are attracted to someone, more than someone else? I have wondered about that through my years, replaying certain encounters in my mind and asking myself what exactly drew me in. I’ll lie awake sometimes, thinking about a quick glance across a room, a stranger’s smile in a grocery store line, or a conversation that should have been forgettable but somehow wasn’t. It must be more than just physical, even though that plays a part in some parts of life; looks may catch your eye at first, but what keeps your interest usually runs much deeper. For me, it’s often the way a person speaks, how they carry themselves, their sense of humor, their kindness—or sometimes just a certain energy I can’t fully explain. I’ve met people who wouldn’t stand out in a crowd by appearance alone, yet something about the way they listened, or the calm they brought into a noisy room, pulled me toward them more strongly than any polished surface ever could.

Sometimes it’s in the small, almost invisible details—a person remembering how I take my coffee after hearing it only once, or the way someone asks a follow-up question instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. I think about a woman I once met at a work event; she wasn’t the loudest or the most charming in a conventional sense, but when I talked, she tilted her head slightly, really listening, not interrupting, not glancing at her phone or over my shoulder. Later that night I realized I could recall almost nothing about what she was wearing, but I could still feel the ease in my chest when I was around her. That, to me, is attraction just as real—maybe more real—than the kind that starts with a quick double-take across a room. There have also been moments where someone’s laughter alone drew me in, not because it was perfect or delicate, but because it was unrestrained and genuine, as if they had forgotten to be self-conscious. Those are the little signs that make me pay attention, even when I don’t fully understand why.

In my opinion, interaction between other humans is the most important segment of our lives. The conversations we have, the support we give and receive, the conflicts we navigate, and the laughter we share all shape who we become. A simple chat with a coworker, a long phone call with an old friend, or even a brief but honest exchange with a stranger can leave a mark that lingers for years. Memories are built from these contacts we have throughout our life, and when I look back, the moments that stand out most clearly almost always involve other people, not things. I remember late-night talks that stretched until sunrise, shared meals where the food was secondary to the company, and quiet car rides where nothing needed to be said because presence alone was enough. The objects fade, get lost, or break; the people and the feelings connected to them are what stay with me.

I can still picture a rainy afternoon when a friend sat with me in silence while I tried to process a loss I didn’t have words for. We didn’t solve anything in that hour, but the weight in my chest shifted simply because she chose to be there, and that memory lives in my mind more vividly than any expensive gift I’ve ever received. I also think of quick, unexpected encounters—a brief conversation with an older man on a park bench, for example, who told me about losing his wife and how he still talked to her while making his morning coffee. I never saw him again, but his honesty about grief made me look at the people in my life differently that day. Human interaction doesn’t always show up as grand gestures or lifelong bonds; sometimes it’s a five-minute exchange that subtly changes the way I move through the world.

Friendships, marriages, and unfortunately enemies come from human interactions. One careless remark can end a bond, while one kind gesture at the right time can start a lifelong friendship. Some relationships grow slowly over years—like a coworker who becomes a confidant after countless shared breaks and small conversations. Others ignite quickly and fade just as fast, like meeting someone at a party and feeling an instant spark that burns bright for a few weeks and then disappears. And a few feel as if they’ve always been there, even when they’re brand new, like those rare people you meet and somehow talk with as if you’ve known them for years. As life continues you meet a large quantity of people, but only a small number truly leave a lasting mark on your heart and mind. A relation is started when two people are attracted to each other—not just to appearance, but to voice, thoughts, values, and the feeling of being understood. I’ve found myself drawn to people who make me feel seen when I speak, who remember the small details I never expected them to notice, or who challenge me in ways that feel uncomfortable but also honest and necessary.

When I think about friendships that have lasted, I can trace them back to very ordinary beginnings—a shared joke over something minor at work, a random seating arrangement in a classroom, a neighbor stopping to help carry groceries up the stairs. From there, the connection slowly formed through repeated contact: checking in when one of us was sick, celebrating small wins, or just showing up consistently, even when life was busy. On the other hand, I have also watched potential connections die quietly because neither of us made the effort to move beyond polite small talk. It reminds me that attraction or initial interest is only a doorway; what we do with it—whether we walk through, linger, or walk away—decides whether that person remains a background extra or becomes part of the main story of our life.

I am not an expert. I am just quoting my experiences and opinions, trying to make sense of why certain people become so important to me while others pass through my life like brief shadows. Sometimes I think timing plays a huge role—meeting someone when I am vulnerable, or hopeful, or lonely, seems to intensify the connection. Other times it feels almost random, like two paths that happened to cross at exactly the right moment. I’ve also noticed that as I change, the kind of people I’m attracted to changes too; qualities I once overlooked, like emotional maturity or patience, now draw me in far more than surface-level charm. In the end, I’m still learning as I go, paying attention to who resonates with me, who challenges me to grow, and who brings out the version of myself I actually like being.

There are people I used to be drawn to simply because they were exciting or unpredictable, the kind who could turn an ordinary night into a story. Back then, I mistook intensity for connection and drama for depth. Over time, after a few emotional bruises, I started to notice the quiet, steady people—the ones who answer messages even when the conversation isn’t thrilling, who apologize sincerely, who don’t make me feel like I have to earn my place beside them. Now, I pay attention to how I feel about myself after spending time with someone: do I feel small and drained, or grounded and more fully myself? That has become one of the clearest signals of attraction for me. I may never fully understand why certain souls seem to align with mine, but I’m learning to trust the pull, question it when necessary, and appreciate the rare connections that manage to survive both time and change.

As you begin to grow up your world expands. You meet neighbors, new people from church gatherings and school that expands your life. Why was I attracted to Doris the neighbor from Lola. I do not have a clue. All the boys in first grade had a crush on Miss Lee the first-grade teacher. Our hearts were broken when she married the math teacher. In second or third grade I met Sandra. She was special. I was attracted to her, and she was attracted to me. We were very close friends through elementary and junior high and most of high school. What happened is a story for another publication.  

As you continue your life you may find out that the attraction that someone shows to you may have selfish reasons. For example, I went into the army and was shipped over to Germany for almost two years. In an orientation meeting we were warned that many of the German young women will do anything to get a ticket to America. That included lying to you, sex and getting pregnant. This wasn’t attraction, this was a planned plot to get to America. You may be attracted to her, but she may just be desperate to improve her life. One had to be very careful.  

For close to twenty years, I hired and fired hundreds of employees for a large corporation. This included women to work in an office environment. On rare occasions during the interview the prospect would offer services outside of the office to get the job. This wasn’t attraction, this was desperation to get the job. That killed her possibility of becoming hired. Qualifications are important but I also found out attraction is also an important part of the decision process. This also applies to male applications. I don’t mean sexual attraction. All my life I have been a normal healthy male and have not had any sexual attractions to my fellow males. I also consider ease of conversations to be a part of the attraction. Some individuals are so easy to have a conversation and continue the conversation. Others, not so easy. Eye contact is also important. I was surprised how many could not look you in the eye during the interview. It made me think, “what are they hiding from me?” I discovered I had more success in hiring individuals that had this attraction and would stay on the job for a longer period of time.   

There is physical and sexual attraction. Those hormones are powerful chemicals affecting your decisions and your body. Most humans are driven to marriage or having a significant other. Most want to leave the legacy of children. That is just life. Most healthy males enjoy the eye candy offered by the sight of the human female. I would speculate females are attracted to the male eye candy available too. So, you go through life, and maybe get married or find a significant other. But these physical attractions are still knocking at your front door. Do you stay loyal or let temptation take over? That is a decision you must make throughout your hormone driven years. Been there done that. Yes, it is tough to decide at times what avenue do you want to travel down. Feelings and hurt can be devastating. I remember telling my sons when their hormones were starting to flow.  “Son, don’t let your hormones lead your life, there are other important things in life, that must be considered, such as compatibility, comfort, trust and love.” I guess it helped, they both appear to be happy with their lives and relationships.  

I also discovered there can be attractions in the cyber world too. I have been on twitter, now X, since 2010 and have acquired over 5000 followers and I follow around the same amount. Most are silent but there is the small amount that you start conversing quite often and the attraction starts to emerge. In many cases you do not have a clue what they look like because many use avatars instead of actual photos and they are spread all over the country. You can tell the gender by name, but the eye candy luxury feature is not there, and you do not know the age gap. After some conversations you can figure out the age gap though. Now I am fantasying that it would be nice to meet these attractions face-to-face and see if the attraction is real. I am quite sure this will never happen though.  

Have you ever considered that these attractions may happen more than just coincidence? Do you meet these people for some unexplained reason? Are you meant to learn something from these attractions? Many times, I have the feeling that I meet a person for a reason. Of course, the reason for this encounter is the difficult part to figure out.  Life has been an adventure and there must be a reason for this life of many learning experiences.

In conclusion, I more than likely will never know why I am attracted to someone and not another. This is just one of those mysteries of life that will never be answered. It has been interesting writing about it though.