memories

MEMORIES OF FAITH

https://tomt2.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/memories-of-faith.mp3 podcast

My first church 

The first church in my life was a Catholic church since my mother was a born and raised Catholic. I guess I can say my father did not have a practicing religion. He was raised a Baptist, but I would say he did not go to church services no more than ten times that I can remember. He never interfered with my mother raising my brother and I into the Catholic religion.  

First a little about the history of this church. The name was St. Rose of Lima Catholic Church. It was established in 1924 in an old Presbyterian church in west or southwest Denver. The original was a small grey stucco building, I would say about the size of a small country school building. I distinctly remember the two tall evergreen trees on both sides of the entrance to the church. 

When I was very young, I remember the parish priest, Father Grohman. He was a funny man and full of life. He was probably around 60 when I was young, 

In 1949 father Wogan became the parish priest. Strange man, I could never get close to him. It could have been the normal fear of authority at my young age, and he liked to show his authority. Father Wogan expanded the church. The old gray stucco building was torn down and a new church was built across the alley in 1949. I was seven years old at the time. This church was in the basement because in the next six years a school was built around the structure. In 1955 the school was dedicated and is still open. In 1963 a new church was built just east of the original church, and it is still being used even after the church was severely damaged in the flood of 1965.  

I received my first communion there and confirmation. It is hard to compare the religion what I was raised into the religion of today. In fact, I could say there is no comparison. For example, fear was a big factor. There was time when I compared God to the big accountant. He sat there with his big ledger pad and kept track of every time you sinned and acted human. It was tough getting into heaven those days. Today the game has changed and now I feel like I may have a chance. 

I am sure my past exposure has affected my faith and me. Just as my present exposure affects my faith. The faith I have is based on events happening throughout my life. My life has been a learning experience and the older I become the stronger my faith becomes. 

An influence of my faith 

My grandmother or the mother of my mother was an influence in my faith journey. Grandma was born in Germany and migrated to America when she was seven years old. I am not sure when she learned to read and write English. I do know that she had very little formal education because the migration to America was during her young years when she should have been learning the basics and then she had to go to work to help feed the family. Grandma married and had fourteen children. About half of them died in birth or at a very young age. Her husband died at a young age because of Asthma, and she was left with many children to feed and support. She had to take in laundry and scrub floors so the family could survive. They did not have community support programs during that time. As her children became older, they had to quit school and start work at a young age to help support the family. It sounded like it was a very difficult time. 

 Grandma lived with our family. I think she moved in with us when my parents bought their house. I remember her living with us until she passed away when I was sixteen years old. Her life was hard and a struggle.  

With that said, she was an influence in my faith journey because I never heard her complain about her struggles in life. She was a very religious person. I don’t know how many times a day she would pray. She went to church as often as she could and she always would say, “have faith, God will take care of you.” 

I remember on her deathbed when we would come to visit her, she would say, “you don’t have to come see me anymore. These two angels are here waiting to take me away and she would point in the direction of the corner of the room. To this day I believe she actually saw two angels waiting to take her away. 

Song of my faith 

Here I am searching my brain for a song that is instrumental in my faith. It is in there somewhere, but I am having a difficult time finding it. In fact, I am having a difficult time thinking of any song this is significant in my life. One of the first songs that came to thought of was “Ave Maria”. Why that song came to me first I cannot explain. It just came to mind that many Christmas Carols about Christ is instrumental to my faith. I do believe that Christ is the son of God and Christmas Carols do celebrate Christ’s coming into the world. “Silent Night”, “Away in the Manager”, and others give me a strange warm feeling when I hear them. However, that is just a period in the year. After the Christmas season these songs are not played until the beginning of the next Christmas season.  

I am looking for that one song that affects me throughout the entire year.  

There is one song that I truly love. This may sound strange, but that song is the theme song from “How the west was won”. When the words “the Promised Land” are sung it emphasizes or re-enforces my faith that there is a Promised Land beyond life on this earth. I know it is not a traditional religious song. I may not have a traditional song stored in my brain. Many times, I strongly feel that my faith is not from traditional organized religious practices but from subtle events and ideas that I have experienced. 

Icon of my faith 

Here I am trying to think about an icon of my faith. This is a tough subject for me because I see an icon as an inanimate object with no life. Whereas my faith is alive and vibrant. I can look at a cross and it brings the thought of suffering Christ did for mankind. However, there are other icons or stories that bring the same thoughts to mind. The cross is not the only center of point for these thoughts. 

Being from a Catholic raised environment statues were and still are big in the Catholic faith. I feel that the statues were attempts to remember an individual. They were before photography. I have never looked at a statue as an icon. 

What I am trying to say is that my faith is not dependent on some icon. My faith has come from lessons and teachings of the Christian religion throughout my life and events that have happened between me and the unknown.  

Religion of youth versus religion of adulthood 

What I am today is so much different than what I was in earlier periods of my life. For example, in my young years when I was indoctrinated into faith and religion. Everything was black and white. Or you might say it was either good or bad. You had to worry about the bad things or the sinful aspects of life. Much of religion was memorization, many aspects were just bad, don’t question it, just abide by it. 

As I became older in my journey of life, I attempted to abide by all these rules and regulations. It was tough and many times I questioned my worthiness. I was a sinner and walked around with a large case of guilt. Now that I look back at these misdeeds they now are not as bad as they were at the time. 

As life progressed and other events in my life took place my outlook on life and religion began to change. Religion and faith started to be an important part of everyday life. Whereas in younger years it was a hamper to being happy and feeling good about myself. 

So here I am now. I will never be an evangelist. Religion and faith are a difficult subject to discuss because so much of my faith is an internal gift and what I feel may not work for another. If I can’t relay my faith in words, what do I do? I resort to actions and displaying my faith with what I do. How I live and how I show love to others that cross into my journey of life.  

What is worship? 

Thinking about it I am sure everyone has a different concept and idea on this thought. I am sure no one will ever come up with a one definition that fits all. Even my thoughts on this subject tonight may change at a later time.  

I am feeling that worship is a conversation with God. I have heard that worship is just praising God. Sorry, this does not work for me. I have been in many one-sided conversations, and they can be very boring and useless. To have a good conversation both parties need to be involved and share thoughts and feelings. Many will say that God does not talk to you. It may be that you expect to receive the response like you communicate to God. Is God communicating to you in subtle ways that is not in the form of traditional communication? This could be one of the mysteries of worship. Worship can be a seven-day event, not just an event reserved for church service time. It just dawned on me that I might just link worship with prayer. 

Conclusion  

In conclusion, the above subjects were writing prompts in a writing group from 2009. I brushed them off and refreshed them. It has been fourteen years since they were written, and a lot has happened in my faith.  

First, we have become more active in the Lutheran branch of Christianity it amazed me how close or similar the two are. When I was young, I was told than protestants were wrong and going down the wrong path. I came to the realization that they are God loving humans and try to do the best they can to lead a good life. We have attended many denominations during this period have realized that they are all Christians.  

Finally, I experienced a near death experience last February. I thought I breathed my last breath and was prepared to meet the maker. I must have passed out but somehow the doctors revived me, and I started to feel better. How long I was out I will never know. This tale can be read at “My Blood Clot”. All tests and lab work show that there was no long-term damage and the chances of surviving more years are good. I am now at ease of death, and I am confident there is more after death on this earth. I am convinced that God loves us unconditionally and Christ died for our sins. The hard part to accept is that God loves the bad guys unconditionally and Christ died for their sins too.  

THANKSGIVING MEMORIES

Podcast

The first memory of Thanksgiving is dry turkey. In my younger days we had to go over to my dad’s aunt’s apartment for Thanksgiving dinner. This apartment was an old scary apartment located around 16th and Logan in Denver. The halls were dark and noisy. Echoes would bounce off all the walls and the stairs looked like they came straight out of an inner sanctum movie. Aunt Florence and Aunt Margaret were sisters that lived their older years together, Aunt Florence was a spinster all her life and Aunt Margaret’s husband died at an early age. They had no children. In fact, the only relatives they had in Denver were my dad. 

This does not sound like dry turkey, so let me get back to the topic. The turkey was always large, and we were honored with taking lots of leftovers home. Turkey sandwiches for a long time after Thanksgiving. Not being a cook, I can just speculate what the aunts did to make this turkey so dry. I would speculate that they cooked it too long and never basted or turned over the turkey while baking. In fact, the skin of the turkey was like thin leather. Even the wings and drumsticks were dry, dry, dry. 

The meal came with the normal fixings, stuffing, it was dry also, potatoes, veggies and gravy. Gravy was the savior of the day. If it wasn’t for gravy this dry turkey would stick in your mouth and make a swallow very difficult. The meal would end up with a dessert. I cannot remember much about the desert so I would say it was not very good or bad, just another desert.  

After the dry turkey I remember of going to The Aladdin Theatre for the afternoon matinee. I didn’t make any difference what was playing because my brother and I just wanted to get out of that hot stuffy apartment. Apparently, the weather was mild, and we were allowed to walk home or take the bus. Thinking back now, I am surprised that we were allowed to go home by ourselves because it was quite a distance from East Colfax to where we lived (near Alameda and S. Federal). In those days there wasn’t the fear and dangers that the young generation faces today. I do remember a store walking to the movies that in their front window they had a gigantic ball composed of shoelaces. It must have been close to three feet in diameter. I think the store was a shoe repair place. Every year we could see how the size of this ball would grow. 

Don’t get me wrong, I have good memories of Thanksgiving, but this story is about dry turkey and nothing very good can be said about dry turkey.   

TOUCHED BY GOD

Audio file for listening instead of reading.

When I first started to think about this topic I immediately thought about when I was put in danger and for some reason, I survived these dangerous encounters. For example, when I was young, four or five years old, I cut my left arm by falling on a broken bottle. In those days plastic bottles were few and far between. This could have ended my short life if the broken glass severed the main artery in my arm. Did God touch me?  

When I was a young and reckless teenager, I did many stupid and dangerous things and survived. We used to go through storm sewer pipes with flashlights like they were natural caves. One time we were way in the pipes, and it started to rain, which we did not know until the water started flowing in. It is amazing how fast these pipes fill up with water. Did God touch me?  

I was in two vehicle accidents when I was in the army in Germany. The first accident occurred on the autobahn when it was snowing, and the road was icy. We were driving way too fast. The traffic ahead was at a standstill, and the driver put the vehicle in 2nd gear to slow down. Big mistake, this threw us in a spin out of control. Finally, we straightened out, but we were headed for a thousand-foot cliff and the only thing stopping us was the two-inch cables installed on the edge of the autobahn. If the cables did not do their job, it could have very easily ended my life if we went off that cliff. Did God touch me? 

Then I was riding shotgun in an open jeep on a two-lane highway. The driver had a reputation for smoking pot, and it is known that pot slows the senses. The traffic started slowing down and he didn’t realize it before it was too late. He made a sharp right turn to avoid rear ending the vehicle and that turn catapulted us out of the jeep. In Germany at that time, they used 3 inches by 3-inch posts with reflectors on the sides of the road. Flying through the air, my right knee hit one of these posts before I landed on the ground. As I was laying on the ground, I looked over my right shoulder and saw the jeep airborne and was headed in my direction. I scrambled up the embankment maybe eight to ten feet up. I think I momentarily blanked out but after I woke up, I could see the jeep overturned down on the side of the road. And the reflector post that my knee hit was flat on the ground where the jeep rolled over it. My knee was swollen double the normal size. If that jeep had rolled over me, I am pretty sure my life would have been terminated. Did God touch me?  

Finally, the last event was about eight months ago. Around 3:00 am I woke up with a terrific pain in my left calf. Thinking it was a Charlie Horse, I massaged it to relive the pain. Bad mistake! Thirty minutes later I had difficulty breathing. Paramedics took me to ER, and they discovered a Pulmonary Saddle Embolism which is a large blood clot between my lungs. I was awake during the removal procedure and about halfway through the procedure I thought I was taking my last breath. For some reason I started to feel better and survived. I found out the survival rate for this is three to five percent. My life has been extended for eight months now and hopefully for a long time. Did God touch me?  

I have started to envision other aspects of my simple life. I started to look at things we take for granted. You can look at this world and universe and look at how unique and beautiful this world is. This world provides all the necessities of life. Look at all the beautiful flowers and plants. Look at the sunsets and sunrises. The mountains and weather are an amazing system. I have fathered two sons, and I am very proud of them. I had to go through the pain and hurt of a divorce. However, this painful event resulted in meeting another woman who has a terrific and loving family. We married and now I am enjoying a special kind of love from her and her children and family. Look around you and think did these wonders just happen? Or have this world and you been touched by God?  

Recall events in your life. Think about your childhood, your accomplishments and your family. Did you have an accident in your life, and did you survive? Do you have family and friends that you truly love and cherish? Remember the births of your children. Is that a special event in your life or just the correct combination of cells that created life? Where did this life come from? You meet a special person and the two of you connect in a special way. Did this encounter just happen? I can recall many events in my life that appear to have suspicious results and as I become older and hopefully wiser, I am beginning to believe that these events were put in front of me for a specific reason. Did God touch me? 

In conclusion, I am convinced that God has touched all parts of my life from the beginning of my life to now. God was there. Many times, I was the normal selfish human and took his presence for granted. Now that I am getting closer to the end of my journey, I am beginning to realize that God has touched me.  

Has God touched you?  

EVERYDAY IS SATURDAY

Audio file for listening, instead of reading.

The sky is blue, the sunsets are beautiful, and the roses smell terrific. I didn’t notice these luxuries before I retired. When I was working, and going through the challenges of life that are thrown at you. I didn’t take the time for the simple beauty of life. Seventeen years have passed since I retired in September. Do I enjoy retirement? Yes, I do! Retirement has been a blessing for me. This is part of the American dream, work most of your life and then enjoy the fruits of your labor. It feels good to see that Social Security and pension payments appear in your banking account every month. Yes, I am living the American dream! 

Since I have retired many people have asked me the question. “What do you do now that you are retired?” As if you are supposed to do something. My most often response is; “recuperating from the last forty-five years”. I was tired! The first 90 days (about 3 months) I did very little. No, I didn’t lie in bed all day, but I took it easy and started to adjust to a slower and more relaxed lifestyle. Now, what I don’t get done today, I can finish tomorrow.  

I retired in September and during our Thanksgiving gathering someone asked me, “Tom, what do you do all day?’ I responded, “every day is Saturday.” That means I don’t have anything I have to do or any place I must be. That phrase stuck and I still use it today.  

My typical morning starts around 6 to 7:00 a.m. No, I don’t sleep in. I try to keep regular hours. I usually go to bed around the same time and rise around the same time. When I get up at the above time this gives me time to get my cup of coffee and breakfast. When I first retired, I was an active stock market trader. I guess you could say I was a pattern trader. However, since the 2008 downslide the market has been too volatile for me, and I invest in stable and secure investments only.  

Retiring has given me many opportunities to do things I have been putting off either because I just didn’t have the time or just too tired to do them. what you don’t get done today; you can work on tomorrow, or the next day, or next week.  

Last fall I joined a small writer’s group at a church in Lakewood. I have always had an interest in writing; however, I never took the time or had the time to cultivate that desire. Now that I am retired, I have the time to cultivate that interest. This small writing group was the catalyst that prompted me to Yourhub.com. Yourhub.com was a bloggers site sponsored by a local newspaper. Once a week they had an insert with blogs they have selected. During this period, I was fortunate to have them select over seventy of my blogs. This was a perfect medium to get the word out and expose your efforts to an audience. The hard part is to get that audience to read your efforts. This does beat putting your efforts into a file cabinet or hard drive and no one ever reads them. After a period yourhub.com disappeared when the local newspaper went out of business. I didn’t write for a while and then I discovered Substack. I then started writing again. At least you have exposed your works to a live and alert audience. 

My retirement has had its downsides. One of the big downsides was winter’s unusually large snowfalls. It kept me inside more than I wanted to stay inside. I am an outdoors person, and the snowy weather has surely hampered my activities and I was getting a lot of cases of cabin fever.  However, spring comes, and I can get out into the sunshine and fresh air and my attitude turns around one hundred percent.  

The only thing that changed the entire environment of retirement is health. We have been very fortunate with health issues, and I attempt to live a healthy life by periodic health exams, eat in moderation and exercise regularly. Unfortunately, illness is part of the aging process. My wife has had a couple of mini strokes, fluid accumulating around her heart and a bout of unexplained dizziness that lasted over a year. I have had two cataracts removed. I suffered with an eleven-millimeter kidney stone that they had to go up through the basement to zap it with a laser and bust it up. I passed chocolate milk from my kidney for about twelve hours. I recently experienced a large blood clot between my lungs. I went through the removal procedure awake because that is what the doctor recommended. I survived the procedure. After the procedure was completed, the doctor was talking to me, and he said he thinks the right decision was made to stay awake because if I would have gone under anesthesia, he thought he may have lost me. Doctor Death was holding deaths door open, and I survived. I have recuperated and I am now well again.    

I try not to think about ill health. It is a part of life and when it strikes us, we will attempt to deal with it when it happens.  

In conclusion, do I have any recommendations for an active healthy retirement? Sure, I do. Keep your mind active. I enjoy puzzle books. These books keep the cobwebs out of my brain. I am a member of Silver Sneakers and go to Carmondy Recreation Center to walk my mile and bicycle my five miles at least three times a week. I feel better and sleep heavier since I have taken up this exercise program. Carmondy Recreation Center has many types of physical fitness equipment so you can design your own activity program. Keep up with a social life. We are social beings and social activity is very important for the well-being and happiness in your life.  

 Attempt to have a financial plan. If you are broke, retirement will not be fun. There are many other forms of entertainment other than television. Enjoy television as a last resort.  Finally, be positive, be active, and be happy. 

CATARACTS A FACT OF LIFE

Audio file for listening instead of reading.

Here I am over eighty and twenty years ago I had my first cataract removed. Seven years later my second one was removed. As you age a large percentage of people can expect to experience cataracts. It is just a part of the aging process. As you get older your body parts just don’t function like they used to and start to wear out. What causes cataracts? Professionals say that there may be a variety of causes. In my case I speculate that I have lived most of my life in the Denver area and the altitude exposes you to more ultraviolet radiation than lower altitudes. Also, when I was a youngster, eye protection was not that common. All summer we ran around with no sunglasses and no shirt. Now, I am starting to pay for this unawareness of the dangers of sunshine. I have had two cataracts removed and one suspicious spot on my nose has been removed. My back looks like the moon surface and my doctor have told me to keep a close eye on my back and call him if I notice any changes in those craters. What you did in the past starts to catch up with you sooner or later. 

Cataracts are clouding the lens in the eye. When I first started to notice them, my sight started to show a tint of yellow. Driving at night becomes difficult because the oncoming headlights start to sparkle brightly, and a lot of your view is lost. I think they call that, headlight blooming. After a period of time, it becomes intolerable, and you know it is time to get something done.  

Fortunately, cataract surgery is relatively simple now. I remember in the late fifties my uncle came from Meeker Colorado and had cataract surgery. We went to see him in the hospital, and he was laying there with sandbags placed on both sides of his head to immobilize his movement and he was in a lot of pain. He spent a week in the hospital. In those days they didn’t have implants and he had to wear big thick glasses to replace the cloudy lenses. 

Cataract replacement Lense

The surgery now is an outpatient procedure. The whole procedure shouldn’t take more than four hours. This consists of pre-op and post-op time. The surgery probably doesn’t take over twenty minutes. The procedure twenty years ago was very similar to today’s procedure. Infection is the main concern. I started antibiotics in the affected eye the day before and continued them a week after surgery. You are sedated and your eye is numbed up. However, you are awake and aware of what is going on around you. You do have an IV in your arm and can be put under immediately if needed. You also are fitted with oxygen apparatus just in case. They put this fabric type material over your face and cut a hole in it over your eye. This exposes your eye to the surgeon. I speculate that somehow your eyelid is secured so you can’t blink. Your eye is numbed, and you can’t feel anything in the eye area. The surgeon does his thing, and the most annoying thing is the bright light in your eye. Your cataract lens is removed, and a replacement lens is inserted. The incision is so small that no stitches are normally needed. The surgery is over, and you may spend forty-five minutes in post-op. You are ready to go home, and you need someone to drive you home. 

On the first surgery, I experienced clear vision the first time I opened my eye. The second time I was not as fortunate. It took about a week for my vision to clear up. Now it is clear, and I had to be fitted for new prescription glasses. I am just amazed how technology has progressed and how a complicated procedure has become a simple common event. After a period, the time varies with the patient, the clear tissue that covers the implant may become clouded and a laser is used to remove that tissue so that clear vision will return. It has been twenty years since my surgery, and I have not experienced this yet.  

Finally, if you live to be over sixty, you will more than likely experience cataract surgery. I am confident it will become simpler and simpler as time goes by.  

Originally Published 11/11/2007 Yourhub.com, modified to fit this this format.

WHAT IS THE ATTRACTION? 

Ever wonder why you are attracted to someone, more than someone else? I have wondered about that through my years. It must be more than just physical even though that plays a part in some parts of life. In my opinion, interaction between other humans is the most important segment of our lives. Memories are built from these contacts we have throughout our life. Friendships, marriages and unfortunately enemies come from human interactions. As life continues you meet a large quantity of people. A relation is started when two people are attracted to each other. I am not an expert. I am just quoting my experiences and opinions. 

As you begin to grow up your world expands. You meet neighbors, new people from church gatherings and school that expands your life. Why was I attracted to Doris the neighbor from Lola. I do not have a clue. All the boys in first grade had a crush on Miss Lee the first-grade teacher. Our hearts were broken when she married the math teacher. In second or third grade I met Sandra. She was special. I was attracted to her, and she was attracted to me. We were very close friends through elementary and junior high and most of high school. What happened is a story for another publication.  

As you continue your life you may find out that the attraction that someone shows to you may have selfish reasons. For example, I went into the army and was shipped over to Germany for almost two years. In an orientation meeting we were warned that many of the German young women will do anything to get a ticket to America. That included lying to you, sex and getting pregnant. This wasn’t attraction, this was a planned plot to get to America. You may be attracted to her, but she may just be desperate to improve her life. One had to be very careful.  

Image result for magnets

For close to twenty years, I hired and fired hundreds of employees for a large corporation. This included women to work in an office environment. On rare occasions during the interview the prospect would offer services outside of the office to get the job. This wasn’t attraction, this was desperation to get the job. That killed her possibility of becoming hired. Qualifications are important but I also found out attraction is also an important part of the decision process. This also applies to male applications. I don’t mean sexual attraction. All my life I have been a normal healthy male and have not had any sexual attractions to my fellow males. I also consider ease of conversations to be a part of the attraction. Some individuals are so easy to have a conversation and continue the conversation. Others, not so easy. Eye contact is also important. I was surprised how many could not look you in the eye during the interview. It made me think, “what are they hiding from me?” I discovered I had more success in hiring individuals that had this attraction and would stay on the job for a longer period of time.   

There is physical and sexual attraction. Those hormones are powerful chemicals affecting your decisions and your body. Most humans are driven to marriage or having a significant other. Most want to leave the legacy of children. That is just life. Most healthy males enjoy the eye candy offered by the sight of the human female. I would speculate females are attracted to the male eye candy available too. So, you go through life, and maybe get married or find a significant other. But these physical attractions are still knocking at your front door. Do you stay loyal or let temptation take over? That is a decision you must make throughout your hormone driven years. Been there done that. Yes, it is tough to decide at times what avenue do you want to travel down. Feelings and hurt can be devastating. I remember telling my sons when their hormones were starting to flow.  “Son, don’t let your hormones lead your life, there are other important things in life, that must be considered, such as compatibility, comfort, trust and love.” I guess it helped, they both appear to be happy with their lives and relationships.  

I also discovered there can be attractions in the cyber world too. I have been on twitter, now X, since 2010 and have acquired over 5000 followers and I follow around the same amount. Most are silent but there is the small amount that you start conversing quite often and the attraction starts to emerge. In many cases you do not have a clue what they look like because many use avatars instead of actual photos and they are spread all over the country. You can tell the gender by name, but the eye candy luxury feature is not there, and you do not know the age gap. After some conversations you can figure out the age gap though. Now I am fantasying that it would be nice to meet these attractions face-to-face and see if the attraction is real. I am quite sure this will never happen though.  

Have you ever considered that these attractions may happen more than just coincidence? Do you meet these people for some unexplained reason? Are you meant to learn something from these attractions? Many times, I have the feeling that I meet a person for a reason. Of course, the reason for this encounter is the difficult part to figure out.  Life has been an adventure and there must be a reason for this life of many learning experiences.

In conclusion, I more than likely will never know why I am attracted to someone and not another. This is just one of those mysteries of life that will never be answered. It has been interesting writing about it though.  

A STRANGE TALE

The night of April 11th, 2010, I had a strange dream. This involved a girl, (woman) I have not thought about for 68 years. This was Sandra. I went to grade, junior, and high school with her. In grade school Sandra and I were very close. The first time we met we were attracted to each other. That was over sixty years ago, and I can’t say that I can remember that much about that time. We did make it a point to be next to each other and would look for each other when there was a gathering. I do remember one event that still is important to me. During that time there were tables the size where two individuals sat at the table. We always made it a point to sit at the same table if we were able to. Anyway, the teacher was rambling on, and I was on the left Sandra was on the right. Our arms were resting on the table, and they were barely touching each other. I was starting to get this tingling feeling from my elbow down to my wrist where our arms were interacting. This felt great! I can still feel the tingling going up and down my arm. Sandra was having the same response. She looks at me and smiles. I will never forget this moment. This was before sex ever became involved or thought about. One could say she was my first girlfriend, maybe even my soul mate and didn’t realize it.  

We went on to high school and began to drift apart. My teenage years were very hard for me. I was angry and mad. I didn’t like myself. I didn’t like the feelings and thoughts I was having. Those apparent hormones were doing a number on me. I had a loving family, All the things a teenager could expect. Driving at sixteen, a part time job and money in my pocket. Looking back at those times, I would say I was a jerk. Because of this I killed the relationship between me and Sandra. We went our separate ways, and I didn’t think of her until April 11, 2010. 

 In this dream Sandra came to me and said, “Tom, I was meant (created) for you. However, you rejected me. Our lives would have been totally different if you would not have rejected me.” This dream was a visual and moving dream. This bothered me because I wondered why I dreamt of Sandra after not seeing or hearing about her for over fifty years or more. Finally, on April 18th I thought I would search for some information about Sandra.  

Going to my yearbook newsletters I found out she was married to Ed. I did a Google search and came up with an obituary stating that Sandra passed away April 8, 2010. That was only three days before I had my strange dream. This really shocked me and leaves me with more questions than answers. Was this a visit from someone who recently died. Would my life have been different? Would it have been better or worse? I will never know. I have had a good life and I feel I have made more good decisions instead of bad decisions. Did this change my outlook? Yes, it did. I have never been a strong religious person even though I was born and raised a Catholic. They teach that there is life after death. But I always had in the back of my mind, that may be wrong. However, after this dream I am convinced that yes, there is something after death. This dream occurred in 2010 and the dream relieved me of that thought ever since. death is not final. You can come to your own conclusion. Life is one large teaching experience. From birth until death, you are learning.  

I have other life changing events. One involved the death of my mother, and my grandmother. Also, a life changing voice came to me.