religion

Me and Spirituality

First a little history about me. I was born and raised a Catholic. My mother was a devout Catholic and Grandma, her mother was also. Grandma lived with us until I was fifteen when she passed away. My dad was raised a Baptist but did not practice any religion. Anyway, I was started out as a catholic.

I went through all the things a young person did growing up as a prospective Catholic. I went to catechism every Sunday after service. Listened to my mother and grandma about the Catholic religion. I was baptized, did first confession and first communion. Finally, confirmation, to become a soldier of Christ. During that time, I ended up with the impression that it was very difficult to become worthy of entering heaven. After your death God was there with his big tablet and you had to account for every sin you committed during your time on earth. I cannot ever remember being told that God loves you unconditionally. During this time the church used fear of eternal suffering in hell to be a good human. Being just human was a sin.

I went through most of my life as a Catholic. Trying to earn my way into eternal life with God. During this journey I had some spiritual events. First, when my grandmother was on her deathbed, she did not have time for us. She said that there were these two angels in the corner of the hospital room waiting for her. You can believe that or not.

Secondly, when my mother was in hospice, she said to me. “Tom, I am afraid of dying. I don’t know what is waiting for me. I am very afraid.” This really bothered me because she was a devout Catholic and I thought she should be more prepared for death. I was disturbed until a short period after her service my mother came to me in a dream. She was sitting in her favorite chair with the Mona Lisa smile on her face and communicated to me. “Tom everything is great, I am at peace, do not be concerned about me.” You can believe that or not.

Thirdly, I met this girl in grade school. We became very attached to each other. We had something special. Being the jerk I was in high school; I ended the relationship. Around sixty years later she came to me in a dream and said “Tom, I was meant (created) for you. However, you rejected me. Our lives would have been totally different if you would not have rejected me.” I woke up with a start and it bothered me. After a period of time, I did some research and discovered that she died three days before I had this dream. Did a spirit visit me? You can believe it or not.

Forth, I was taking a walk alone in the afternoon and this voice said to me. “Tom, stop trying to be somebody you are not, just be yourself, that is why you are on earth. Since then, I am just being myself.

Finally, I had a near death experience and after I thought I took my final breath I was someplace, and I felt PEACE, TOTAL PEACE! What I felt is difficult to explain. I was having a feeling I have never felt in my eighty plus years, PEACE! I truly believe I experienced a preview of time after death.

In conclusion, my religious experience and the above spiritual events has prepared me for the final days. The final days may be soon or twenty years from now. When the time comes, I will be ready to experience that feeling of PEACE, TOTAL PEACE!

I am convinced God loves us unconditionally and Christ died for our sins.

Daily writing prompt
How important is spirituality in your life?
View all responses

Superstition Versus Faith

from Wikipedia, “A superstition is any belief or practice considered by non-practitioners to be irrational or supernatural, attributed to fate or magic, perceived supernatural influence, or fear of that which is unknown.”

Faith is confidence or trust in a person, thing, or concept. In the context of religion, faith is “belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion”. According to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary.

Throughout my life I have been exposed to many superstitions. For example, do no step on the cracks in a sidewalk, brings bad luck. Break a mirror, you experience seven years of bad luck. Four leaf clovers bring good luck. Friday the 13th is a bad day. My oldest son was born on Friday the 13th, I can’t say that was bad luck, but good. I could go on for hours about superstitious encounters in my life.

I am a product of a religious mother and grandmother. They were very religious Catholics. I was raised a Catholic. I suppose you could say baptism is evolved around a superstition. If you are not baptized, you die with original sin and will never see heaven. I was taught if you die with a mortal sin, you do not go to heaven. You should be in the state of grace to receive the sacrament of marriage and so on.

I have had strange spiritual events in my life. My mother had a very painful medical death, and she was terrified of dying. How could this be? She was a very religious person, and all this faith did not prepare her for death and the other side. This really bothered me that she was so unprepared. About a week after her service I had a dream, my mother was there sitting in her favorite chair and said, “Tom everything is good. Do not worry about me, continue your life!? I was put at peace and my confusion resolved.

I had another dream about this girl that I have not seen or heard of for over forty years. She said in my dream, “Tom, you and I were meant to be together. If we would have ended up together our lives would have been totally different.” Yes, that bothered me. After forty or more years why did I have a dream about her? This bothered me for a couple of months, and I finally went to my alumni newsletters and got here married name and made an internet search and found out that she died three days prior to my dream. This is spooky. However, it did convince me that death is not the end.

Another event happened in the last ten to fifteen years. I was going for a walk around the park and this loud voice came and said, “Tom, stop trying to be somebody else! Just be yourself! That is what you are expected to be! Ever since, that I am Just Myself!

So, is this superstition or faith? I guess it all depends on what the definition a person has of superstition and faith. I know one thing for sure. My spiritual events have impacted my life more than all religious teaching and superstitions.

Daily writing prompt
Are you superstitious?
View all responses

MEMORIES OF FAITH

https://tomt2.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/memories-of-faith.mp3 podcast

My first church 

The first church in my life was a Catholic church since my mother was a born and raised Catholic. I guess I can say my father did not have a practicing religion. He was raised a Baptist, but I would say he did not go to church services no more than ten times that I can remember. He never interfered with my mother raising my brother and I into the Catholic religion.  

First a little about the history of this church. The name was St. Rose of Lima Catholic Church. It was established in 1924 in an old Presbyterian church in west or southwest Denver. The original was a small grey stucco building, I would say about the size of a small country school building. I distinctly remember the two tall evergreen trees on both sides of the entrance to the church. 

When I was very young, I remember the parish priest, Father Grohman. He was a funny man and full of life. He was probably around 60 when I was young, 

In 1949 father Wogan became the parish priest. Strange man, I could never get close to him. It could have been the normal fear of authority at my young age, and he liked to show his authority. Father Wogan expanded the church. The old gray stucco building was torn down and a new church was built across the alley in 1949. I was seven years old at the time. This church was in the basement because in the next six years a school was built around the structure. In 1955 the school was dedicated and is still open. In 1963 a new church was built just east of the original church, and it is still being used even after the church was severely damaged in the flood of 1965.  

I received my first communion there and confirmation. It is hard to compare the religion what I was raised into the religion of today. In fact, I could say there is no comparison. For example, fear was a big factor. There was time when I compared God to the big accountant. He sat there with his big ledger pad and kept track of every time you sinned and acted human. It was tough getting into heaven those days. Today the game has changed and now I feel like I may have a chance. 

I am sure my past exposure has affected my faith and me. Just as my present exposure affects my faith. The faith I have is based on events happening throughout my life. My life has been a learning experience and the older I become the stronger my faith becomes. 

An influence of my faith 

My grandmother or the mother of my mother was an influence in my faith journey. Grandma was born in Germany and migrated to America when she was seven years old. I am not sure when she learned to read and write English. I do know that she had very little formal education because the migration to America was during her young years when she should have been learning the basics and then she had to go to work to help feed the family. Grandma married and had fourteen children. About half of them died in birth or at a very young age. Her husband died at a young age because of Asthma, and she was left with many children to feed and support. She had to take in laundry and scrub floors so the family could survive. They did not have community support programs during that time. As her children became older, they had to quit school and start work at a young age to help support the family. It sounded like it was a very difficult time. 

 Grandma lived with our family. I think she moved in with us when my parents bought their house. I remember her living with us until she passed away when I was sixteen years old. Her life was hard and a struggle.  

With that said, she was an influence in my faith journey because I never heard her complain about her struggles in life. She was a very religious person. I don’t know how many times a day she would pray. She went to church as often as she could and she always would say, “have faith, God will take care of you.” 

I remember on her deathbed when we would come to visit her, she would say, “you don’t have to come see me anymore. These two angels are here waiting to take me away and she would point in the direction of the corner of the room. To this day I believe she actually saw two angels waiting to take her away. 

Song of my faith 

Here I am searching my brain for a song that is instrumental in my faith. It is in there somewhere, but I am having a difficult time finding it. In fact, I am having a difficult time thinking of any song this is significant in my life. One of the first songs that came to thought of was “Ave Maria”. Why that song came to me first I cannot explain. It just came to mind that many Christmas Carols about Christ is instrumental to my faith. I do believe that Christ is the son of God and Christmas Carols do celebrate Christ’s coming into the world. “Silent Night”, “Away in the Manager”, and others give me a strange warm feeling when I hear them. However, that is just a period in the year. After the Christmas season these songs are not played until the beginning of the next Christmas season.  

I am looking for that one song that affects me throughout the entire year.  

There is one song that I truly love. This may sound strange, but that song is the theme song from “How the west was won”. When the words “the Promised Land” are sung it emphasizes or re-enforces my faith that there is a Promised Land beyond life on this earth. I know it is not a traditional religious song. I may not have a traditional song stored in my brain. Many times, I strongly feel that my faith is not from traditional organized religious practices but from subtle events and ideas that I have experienced. 

Icon of my faith 

Here I am trying to think about an icon of my faith. This is a tough subject for me because I see an icon as an inanimate object with no life. Whereas my faith is alive and vibrant. I can look at a cross and it brings the thought of suffering Christ did for mankind. However, there are other icons or stories that bring the same thoughts to mind. The cross is not the only center of point for these thoughts. 

Being from a Catholic raised environment statues were and still are big in the Catholic faith. I feel that the statues were attempts to remember an individual. They were before photography. I have never looked at a statue as an icon. 

What I am trying to say is that my faith is not dependent on some icon. My faith has come from lessons and teachings of the Christian religion throughout my life and events that have happened between me and the unknown.  

Religion of youth versus religion of adulthood 

What I am today is so much different than what I was in earlier periods of my life. For example, in my young years when I was indoctrinated into faith and religion. Everything was black and white. Or you might say it was either good or bad. You had to worry about the bad things or the sinful aspects of life. Much of religion was memorization, many aspects were just bad, don’t question it, just abide by it. 

As I became older in my journey of life, I attempted to abide by all these rules and regulations. It was tough and many times I questioned my worthiness. I was a sinner and walked around with a large case of guilt. Now that I look back at these misdeeds they now are not as bad as they were at the time. 

As life progressed and other events in my life took place my outlook on life and religion began to change. Religion and faith started to be an important part of everyday life. Whereas in younger years it was a hamper to being happy and feeling good about myself. 

So here I am now. I will never be an evangelist. Religion and faith are a difficult subject to discuss because so much of my faith is an internal gift and what I feel may not work for another. If I can’t relay my faith in words, what do I do? I resort to actions and displaying my faith with what I do. How I live and how I show love to others that cross into my journey of life.  

What is worship? 

Thinking about it I am sure everyone has a different concept and idea on this thought. I am sure no one will ever come up with a one definition that fits all. Even my thoughts on this subject tonight may change at a later time.  

I am feeling that worship is a conversation with God. I have heard that worship is just praising God. Sorry, this does not work for me. I have been in many one-sided conversations, and they can be very boring and useless. To have a good conversation both parties need to be involved and share thoughts and feelings. Many will say that God does not talk to you. It may be that you expect to receive the response like you communicate to God. Is God communicating to you in subtle ways that is not in the form of traditional communication? This could be one of the mysteries of worship. Worship can be a seven-day event, not just an event reserved for church service time. It just dawned on me that I might just link worship with prayer. 

Conclusion  

In conclusion, the above subjects were writing prompts in a writing group from 2009. I brushed them off and refreshed them. It has been fourteen years since they were written, and a lot has happened in my faith.  

First, we have become more active in the Lutheran branch of Christianity it amazed me how close or similar the two are. When I was young, I was told than protestants were wrong and going down the wrong path. I came to the realization that they are God loving humans and try to do the best they can to lead a good life. We have attended many denominations during this period have realized that they are all Christians.  

Finally, I experienced a near death experience last February. I thought I breathed my last breath and was prepared to meet the maker. I must have passed out but somehow the doctors revived me, and I started to feel better. How long I was out I will never know. This tale can be read at “My Blood Clot”. All tests and lab work show that there was no long-term damage and the chances of surviving more years are good. I am now at ease of death, and I am confident there is more after death on this earth. I am convinced that God loves us unconditionally and Christ died for our sins. The hard part to accept is that God loves the bad guys unconditionally and Christ died for their sins too.