For most of my life, I have tried to be something I was not, always feeling the heavy weight of expectations from those around me. Many times, throughout my journey, I heard phrases like “You should be like, whatever name you want to insert,” echoing in my mind. In my younger years, it was particularly striking; I would often hear, “you should be more like your brother.” The idea that I should mirror someone who is five years older than me seemed absurd at times. After all, each of us has our own unique path to walk. I guess I was a handful when I was young, full of energy and curiosity, eager to explore the world in my own way. Going to school, I faced similar sentiments from teachers and peers alike, hearing the same refrain: “You should be more like Johnny.” As if my worth could somehow be measured against his achievements or behavior. Even at church, the message was clear but stark; I was told I was a sinner and should strive to be more like the saints and apostles. These constant reminders emphasized the notion that I should mold myself into an ideal that fit neatly within the societal norms. Well, I got the picture; I should be somebody I am not and become someone who fulfills the criteria of those around me, fitting into a box that I never truly belonged in. Yet, deep inside, I yearned for the freedom to embrace my authentic self, to carve out my own identity free from the shadows of others.

My teenage years were very difficult for me. For some reason, I was angry and mad all the time, feeling as though a storm was brewing inside me, one that I couldn’t quite understand or control. I hated myself and my situation, constantly questioning my choices and my identity. Was it because I was trying to be somebody I was not, desperately seeking approval from my peers and struggling to find my place in the world, or was it just the hormonal change that everyone goes through during that age? The confusion often left me feeling isolated, as if I was trapped in a tumultuous sea with no way to swim to shore. Each day felt like a battle, where the weight of expectations bore down heavily on my shoulders, making it hard to breathe. Simple tasks like getting out of bed or wearing a smile seemed daunting, as if they required an energy I lacked. My relationships with family and friends began to fray at the seams, with misunderstandings and frustrations bubbling to the surface. One will never know if it was a combination of both, a perfect storm of teenage angst that shaped my experiences, but those years left a lasting imprint on my soul, instilling a sense of resilience in me that I would later learn to harness as I navigated adulthood.

I was drafted into the army later, and looking back now, I think this is one of the best things that happened to me in that period. This was in the Viet Nam era, but fortunately, my service period was served in Germany instead of Viet Nam, unlike the seven other men drafted on that day. They all went to Viet Nam, facing the uncertainty and dangers of a war-torn landscape. Why I went to Germany and not Viet Nam is something I will never know, and perhaps it was simply a twist of fate. In the service, you meet all kinds of people from many different areas of the country, bringing with them a rich tapestry of experiences and backgrounds. Because of that, I realized that the human race is not that bad; most people, despite their situations, are inherently good. All the ones I met were basically good and were just trying to get through the challenges in front of them, forging friendships that transcended our differences and shared struggles that created a bond that I still cherish to this day. The camaraderie formed during that time taught me invaluable lessons about empathy, understanding, and the importance of supporting one another, regardless of the circumstances we faced.

I have spent maybe two thirds of my life trying to be somebody that I am not. You may believe this or not, but one day I was taking a walk around the greenbelt near our home, which is a tranquil place filled with the rustling sounds of nature and the fresh scent of a small creek. There was nobody around, and I was just having some silent time to my own, allowing my thoughts to drift and my mind to clear. Suddenly, this loud voice came out and spoke, breaking the peaceful silence of my surroundings. “Tom, stop trying to be somebody else, just be yourself! Your purpose in life is to be yourself!” Those words echoed in my mind, touching something deep within me. After that profound event, I made the conscious decision to just be myself, embracing my true identity with all its complexities and imperfections. Since that time, I have been at peace and am genuinely enjoying simply being myself. I even like myself, flaws and all. This is one significant and positive change I have made in my life, a breakthrough that has opened up new avenues of self-acceptance and fulfillment that I had never experienced before.