Day: November 4, 2023

WHAT IS THE ATTRACTION? 

Ever wonder why you are attracted to someone, more than someone else? I have wondered about that through my years. It must be more than just physical even though that plays a part in some parts of life. In my opinion, interaction between other humans is the most important segment of our lives. Memories are built from these contacts we have throughout our life. Friendships, marriages and unfortunately enemies come from human interactions. As life continues you meet a large quantity of people. A relation is started when two people are attracted to each other. I am not an expert. I am just quoting my experiences and opinions. 

As you begin to grow up your world expands. You meet neighbors, new people from church gatherings and school that expands your life. Why was I attracted to Doris the neighbor from Lola. I do not have a clue. All the boys in first grade had a crush on Miss Lee the first-grade teacher. Our hearts were broken when she married the math teacher. In second or third grade I met Sandra. She was special. I was attracted to her, and she was attracted to me. We were very close friends through elementary and junior high and most of high school. What happened is a story for another publication.  

As you continue your life you may find out that the attraction that someone shows to you may have selfish reasons. For example, I went into the army and was shipped over to Germany for almost two years. In an orientation meeting we were warned that many of the German young women will do anything to get a ticket to America. That included lying to you, sex and getting pregnant. This wasn’t attraction, this was a planned plot to get to America. You may be attracted to her, but she may just be desperate to improve her life. One had to be very careful.  

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For close to twenty years, I hired and fired hundreds of employees for a large corporation. This included women to work in an office environment. On rare occasions during the interview the prospect would offer services outside of the office to get the job. This wasn’t attraction, this was desperation to get the job. That killed her possibility of becoming hired. Qualifications are important but I also found out attraction is also an important part of the decision process. This also applies to male applications. I don’t mean sexual attraction. All my life I have been a normal healthy male and have not had any sexual attractions to my fellow males. I also consider ease of conversations to be a part of the attraction. Some individuals are so easy to have a conversation and continue the conversation. Others, not so easy. Eye contact is also important. I was surprised how many could not look you in the eye during the interview. It made me think, “what are they hiding from me?” I discovered I had more success in hiring individuals that had this attraction and would stay on the job for a longer period of time.   

There is physical and sexual attraction. Those hormones are powerful chemicals affecting your decisions and your body. Most humans are driven to marriage or having a significant other. Most want to leave the legacy of children. That is just life. Most healthy males enjoy the eye candy offered by the sight of the human female. I would speculate females are attracted to the male eye candy available too. So, you go through life, and maybe get married or find a significant other. But these physical attractions are still knocking at your front door. Do you stay loyal or let temptation take over? That is a decision you must make throughout your hormone driven years. Been there done that. Yes, it is tough to decide at times what avenue do you want to travel down. Feelings and hurt can be devastating. I remember telling my sons when their hormones were starting to flow.  “Son, don’t let your hormones lead your life, there are other important things in life, that must be considered, such as compatibility, comfort, trust and love.” I guess it helped, they both appear to be happy with their lives and relationships.  

I also discovered there can be attractions in the cyber world too. I have been on twitter, now X, since 2010 and have acquired over 5000 followers and I follow around the same amount. Most are silent but there is the small amount that you start conversing quite often and the attraction starts to emerge. In many cases you do not have a clue what they look like because many use avatars instead of actual photos and they are spread all over the country. You can tell the gender by name, but the eye candy luxury feature is not there, and you do not know the age gap. After some conversations you can figure out the age gap though. Now I am fantasying that it would be nice to meet these attractions face-to-face and see if the attraction is real. I am quite sure this will never happen though.  

Have you ever considered that these attractions may happen more than just coincidence? Do you meet these people for some unexplained reason? Are you meant to learn something from these attractions? Many times, I have the feeling that I meet a person for a reason. Of course, the reason for this encounter is the difficult part to figure out.  Life has been an adventure and there must be a reason for this life of many learning experiences.

In conclusion, I more than likely will never know why I am attracted to someone and not another. This is just one of those mysteries of life that will never be answered. It has been interesting writing about it though.  

TALES OF A FORMER SMOKER

  

Colorado in 2008 was having a debate to outlaw smoking in public establishments. Casinos say that the smoking ban will more than likely affect their business. Approximately twenty percent of Colorado residents are smokers. Bar owners ask appeals court to overturn the state smoking ban. These are all headings of stories about the statewide smoking ban. Smoking is still an issue. The major majority voted for a smoking ban in recent years. There are still twenty percent who feel they are being unfairly treated with the smoking bans. I have been on both sides of the issue. I was a smoker and quit many years before any smoking ban took effect.  

I started smoking when I was in the eighth grade. Why did I start? I would say because of peer pressure. Everyone I ran around with started smoking about the same time. It was cool! Many movie stars smoked. You would go to a movie and smoking was always featured. Fred Flintstone and Barney smoked and advertised Winston cigarettes. Smoking was the thing to do if you wanted to be cool. My Dad smoked. The local parish priest smoked. Many neighbors smoked. This was all before the adverse effects of smoking were known. No one cared about the addictive effects of nicotine, or the tar build up in your lungs. I remember when I first started smoking. You would inhale and suddenly become dizzy. I never did get sick to my stomach though. After a period, the dizziness went away and the addiction to nicotine took over. You were hooked.  

I smoked through high school and beyond. I was drafted into the army in 1964 and at those times most of the new recruits smoked. I recall the saying, “smoke them if you have them”. A cloud of smoke would rise from the company of troops where only a half a dozen or so did not smoke. The red butt can with an inch of water in the can lined the center of the barracks. Sometimes I think cigarettes were more important than bullets.  

I was still smoking when I got out of the army and continued to smoke for a few more years. At that time there were no regulations about smoking. I would smoke one to two packs a day. That was when a pack was around twenty-five cents. I smoked everywhere. I would smoke in the grocery store checkout line. I smoked in the house and the car, throwing out the butts through the window. I was a rude ruthless smoker. I didn’t care about anybody’s rights. I stunk from cigarette smoke and my fingers would turn yellow from the tobacco-burning cigarette. Nicotine really had me hooked. 

Here I was twenty-five and I would huff and puff going up a flight of stairs. The effects of smoking were becoming known, and I was beginning to experience the effects. I began to realize smoking was affecting my health. I decided that I wanted to live a long healthy life and continuing to smoke was going to hamper this desire. I decided to quit. For the next two to three years, I must have quit two hundred times or more. I finally succeeded; I no longer am addicted to nicotine. It took me about a year before I did not have that nicotine urge. Two more years passed before the smell of smoke ceased to smell good and I wanted to have just one cigarette. I knew if I had one, I would be hooked again. I was 28 when I finally succeeded in quitting. Stopping smoking was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. 

Where am I now? It has been over fifty years since I finally quit smoking. I speculate that if I did not quit smoking, I would be dead from heart disease or lung cancer. In the late seventies my father was having circulation problems in his right leg and his primary doctor referred him to a specialist. The first question the specialist asked my father was, “how long did you smoke?” We asked why he asked that, and he responded by telling us that circulation problems in the legs are characteristic of smokers. Well, the specialist was not able to save my father’s leg and the last five years of his life was without his right leg. My father was seventy when this happened. I was forty-five and I am hoping I am not going to continue the legacy of my father. I see people my age that are dependent on their oxygen tank. Seeing these people makes me very thankful that I can still breathe on my own. Maybe I quit soon enough in my life to bypass these bullets.  

After reading this you may think, “he is really anti-smoking, he wants stronger no smoking laws.” I don’t really agree with the current smoking laws. In my opinion I feel that smoking or no smoking should be up to the individual business owner. If a business owner wants to cater to the twenty percent of the smoking population, they become a smoking establishment. If they want to do business with the eighty percent of the non-smoking population, you become a no-smoking establishment. Businesses are either smoking or no smoking, no combination establishments would be allowed. As a consumer I can elect to go to the establishment I want to. Let the market forces determine whom you want to do business with.  

In conclusion, I made a big mistake when I smoked that first cigarette. You become addicted to nicotine faster than you imagine. There is no easy way to quit once you become addicted. If you are young and consider smoking that cigarette, think twice and say no, it may save you a lot of pain and suffering. No, I did not follow my father’s legacy of passing away at seventy-five. I am now over eighty and still very thankful that I was successful in quitting smoking when I was twenty-eight.

About two years ago my son who was forty-six years old at that time had a life-threatening heart attack to realize that smoking can shorten your life. He has not had a cigarette since that life threatening event.  

This was originally published by me on yourhub.com in 2008. I have edited it to fit the times now.